I was sick for a total of 16 months and it was one of the hardest experiences of my life. It was filled with pain, and longing to be well. The fears and joys of life never seemed so real to me. The last two months I was sick, I was actually in the process of dying.
The last statement sounds dramatic, but it’s actually true. Especially from the time of my last blog post, the asthma I had been experiencing became incredibly severe. I was having asthma attacks for no reason throughout the day, and waking up during the night with asthma. My lungs felt constantly tight, and I was coughing up nastiness. Twice, we almost called an ambulance. Sometime in late March, my husband Randy and I took a short walk and my lungs almost completely closed up. I couldn’t even make it home. I sat on a rock waiting for Randy to return with a car, bent over and attempting to breathe. A couple hours later, I called up an ENT to make a date for surgery.
April 9th, I went in for a sinus surgery. The doctor didn’t know what he would find. In a catscan, all he could see were nasal polyps–fluid filled sacks, which he planned to remove. Polyps are caused by extreme irritation in the sinus’, and the root cause is typically believed to be allergy related.
The sinus surgery is usually about 1- 1 ½ hours long. Mine took 3 hours. He found a massive fungal sinus infection (mold was growing in my sinus). The doctor told me that I was one of his worst patients in twenty years of practice, considering how the infection had infected my entire respiratory system.
Immediately following surgery, I felt better. It was the weirdest thing. I was exhausted and slept for days and days, but I felt better. It felt like a poison had left my system. My body had been fighting hard for months, but it knew that it could rest after the infection was removed.
A few days ago, I had a cup of coffee. I could smell it. It was the first cup of coffee I had in a year that I could smell. I cried.
A few days ago, I made dinner. It smelled delicious. I cried.
Yesterday, my husband was fixing his car in the driveway. I jumped into his arms, grease and all. I didn’t care about my clothes for once, and then I cried.
You know the day we had the snowstorm and broke the 1880′s record for snowfall in Michigan? Almost everyone in Clarkston was mad because it HAD to snow, even though we became legends. But I wasn’t. The sun came out and made the snow beautiful and I cried. I was so grateful for being alive and becoming well.
I am crying a lot right now, because I am so incredibly grateful. The doctor didn’t guarantee that the surgery would even help, and I wasn’t sure if I would get better, but it looks like I am. The next few months, my ENT will check up on me. I have the risk of the polyps growing back and there is the continual chance of the fungus taking hold again. However, I am going to live life without fear, trust God and in His love, and see what every day holds.
Two days ago, I made an amazing dinner and set the table elaborately. The people eating with us asked, “Why is everything so nice?”
“We are celebrating.”
“What are we celebrating?”
“We are celebrating because I am alive.”